


I Find It Hard To Hide It

by BringMeThePhan



Series: Songfics [11]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Josh tries to comfort him, M/M, Tyler is suicidal in this, and then stuff happens, angsty af, i think so at least, it does end happy though, please stay safe and don't read if you're triggered, self harm mention, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:26:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BringMeThePhan/pseuds/BringMeThePhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>ca·thar·sis</strong><br/>kəˈTHärsəs/<br/><em>noun</em><br/>noun: catharsis; plural noun: catharses</p><p>    1.<br/>the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.<br/><strong>Title: Car Radio- Twenty One Pilots</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	I Find It Hard To Hide It

**Author's Note:**

> So this was supposed to be a songfic based off Car Radio but idk what happened. But oh well, I still like it enough I guess so I'm putting it on here anyways. So enjoy and stuff. Yeah... hopefully whatever funk I'm in now will go away and I can write oneshots that don't all have to do with depression since I'm totally feeling it now, yay school...

Catharsis. It’s a weird thing to think about, especially if you’re sitting on the edge of a bridge, with your legs dangling high above the dark surface of water. Tyler wasn’t sure how he got here to this point, all he could think about was how cathartic it seemed to him. His depression was at its strongest as of lately, the negative thoughts becoming so strong it was almost like having another person living in his head that constantly nagged and nitpicked at every single thing he did. The anxiety of other people knowing, and the pressure of school and family expectations only made this person, ‘Blurryface’ he called him due to his mental image of the macabre character, a lot stronger. But being here was definitely some kind of release to him- the view was almost calming, the cold air stinging his cut wrists enough to give him some grounding. And if none of this was enough for him, he could always just lean a little too far down and then it’d all end. In a sick sense, it was all a very strong release to Tyler. But it wasn’t enough. Nothing ever was.

  **“Are you actually going to do it this time? You fucking wimp, last time I brought you out here, you just couldn’t turn the wheel.”**

  _I know. It was stupid not to, at least there would’ve been some logical excuse to give my family_. The voice cackled.

  **“You have nothing- no grades, no friends, hell- even your own family thinks you’re a failure! You see their eyes when they look at you at the table, don’t you? All of the shame, disappointment, and hatred in them…”**

  _I see it clearly. I see it all._

  **“And it’s all your fault, you just couldn’t keep your grades high enough, you never practiced enough, you were never enough for anyone.”** Tyler was about ready to give in to the urges and desires of Blurryface, his words seeming more concrete and real than the cold metal of the bridge. He stood up and went closer to the edge, looking down at the rippling surface of the water- his new, and final, resting place.

  “You’re not actually thinking about jumping, are you?” Someone else's voice broke Tyler’s focus from the task at hand.

  “W-What?” The other person, a boy about Tyler’s age made himself visible to him. He had faded cotton- candy pink hair, with a nose ring and bright tattoo sleeve. His punk style made Tyler’s heart ache- he must have such an interesting lifestyle, compared to someone like him who could hardly even find the will live.

  “I see you come by here every day- either in your car, or bike, or just walking. Some days you stay, others you don’t. Are you planning on jumping, or do you just like the view?” Tyler backed away slowly, trying to find some way to get the stranger to leave.

  “V-View. I like the view.” He looked out at the water with Tyler.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty sick.” Tyler snorted.

  “’Sick’?”

  “Yeah, sick as frick.” He leaned against the hood of a car- his car, Tyler assumed.

  “So…”

  “Nope.” The other boy continued staring out at the water.

  “What?”

  “I’m not leaving anytime soon, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

  “Right. Well, either way, you’re stuck with me.” Tyler sat back down at the edge of the bridge, the stranger moving to sit beside him a few moments later. The two sat in silence.

**“Get him out of here! He’ll ruin everything you want!”**

_I’m trying, but it seems I can’t even do that._ Tyler flinched when Blurry reacted to what he said with a white-hot stinging at his wrist.

 **“Don’t give me that crap! _You_ want him out of here, _you_! I’m just trying to motivate you to get him out!” ** Tyler furrowed his brow in frustration, staring down at the water.

_What do I do? I don’t know how to get him out of here…_

  **“Yes, you do! I’ll make you if you don’t.”** Blurryface threatened, Tyler already feeling himself lose control and float away.

  _No. No, please!_ It was already beginning though- Blurryface was beginning to take charge of Tyler’s action while he helplessly watched, trying weakly to get control back.

  “You need to leave.” He turned towards the other.

  “What- why? I just got here, and I don’t even know your name or anything!”

  “Why would you care? It’s not like you’re some knight in shining armor that can save him…” Tyler felt pained by the hurt expression in the other’s eyes.

_Stop this! Let me out!_

**“Why? You were just going to die anyways.”** The hurt in his eyes turned to anger.

  “Excuse me? I don’t know who you think you are, but that’s just- what the hell, man! I’m trying to help you out here, hoping I could get you to go out of something that you’d really regret, and you’re just-!”

  _It’s not me! Please, don’t go!_ Tyler continued to scream out while Blurryface moved closer to him in a threatening manner. He stared closer at the obviously uncomfortable teen beside him.

  “Why are you trying to save him? There’s nothing of him that’s worth saving.”

  “W-Why are you talking in the third person about yourself now?” Tyler began to scream inside of himself, wishing he could cut himself out of his skin and disappear. Wait- cut. Cut! He fought to gain control of his hands, gaining one. He made it reach over and press down hard on the fresh wounds on his forearms and wrist, giving him some sense of grounding.

  “Ow! You little shit!” He continued, clawing at his skin and hurting it, giving him more control. The other boy started to back away, confused and scared by the thrashing and fighting Tyler was having with… himself?

  “What’s going on? Hey, stop it! You’re hurting yourself!” He grabbed Tyler’s arms and pinned them to his sides, careful not to grab the areas bleeding out. Tyler felt Blurryface grow weaker and move to the back of his mind, giving him back control.

  “He’s gone. H-He’s gone…” He looked up at the other boy before laughing hysterically, smiling brightly while hugging him.

  “He’s gone! You did it! He’ll be back later, but you got rid of him!” He smiled and sighed, staring back down and staring at the water, relishing the white silence from his mind.

  “You’re… welcome? What the hell was all that, who’s ‘he’? You’re really starting to freak me out now.” Tyler sobered from the elation he had and sighed.

  “It… I-It’s kind of a long story. How about another time?”

  “Okay? If we’re going to be talking again, you should probably know my name’s Josh.”

  “Tyler.” He smiled slightly staring back at the water below.

  “So, you’re not going to jump after all?” He shook his head.

  “No, not today. I fought too hard just right now to give it all back.”

  “Well then let’s get going. We can go over to town, there’s a really nice coffee shop with a record store in it.” He smiled softly at Tyler.

  “Sure. You’ll have to give me a ride though.”

  “Of course. Come on, let’s go.”


End file.
